My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
