Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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