Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
