i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Pooping to opera.
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