11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
