Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
