come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
