idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love you. Go after that dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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