dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
