this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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