We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
