he thought i was a dude.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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