dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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