I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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