No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
