I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
