In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
