I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
