Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
