Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
