You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
