Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
