god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
me + whiskey = a bad person
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
