I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
