I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
