I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
