God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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