there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
