between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
