my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
