we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
