Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
