Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
