I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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