I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
