You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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