Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
