gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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