i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
