Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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