So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
