Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
