First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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