The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
