I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
