If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
should my penis look like a turkey
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
