his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
