Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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