I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
