He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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