he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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