I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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