just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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