Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
