Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
