My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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