Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize