is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
