At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
