Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
