hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
