you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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