I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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