I feel great
I just peed on a car
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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