don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
