check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
