mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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