Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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